Mindfulness or Mindlessness

I have been tracking the popularity of mindfulness but I am not an expert. I have read several how to's and watched internet instructions. I do it as best I can and find it relaxing.

I am told it is the hot new thing in legal education but that scares me. When I practice mindfulness I concentrate on my breath or a spot in the middle of my chest and when I get settled down the thoughts, worries and impressions come and go. I do not judge them and as soon as I remember I return to my breath and my spot.

For example, there was an email that I got today and it was just about the time my mindfulness gong sounded. So I stopped everything and went into breathing and not judging mode. What I discovered is that the email made me sense feelings of anger (or is that it made me angry you never know about mindfulness.) I also felt a bit of nausea and a strong sensation of what I can only describe as "what the fuck." I did not judge these feeling or are the "sense of feelings." Yes, it is hard to figure out with mindfulness if they are your feelings or just feelings that flow through an emotionally empty vessel.

Ok, I admit that this afternoon I kicked a dog and yelled at a grocery store cashier. I felt really bad later but after a session of mindfulness I was feeling fine. I let those thoughts of regret and that I was being a dick drift right through and out again. It resulted in great clarity. I put the past behind me. I was in the now. What a wonderful feeling!

I am told this clarity will help me make decisions with a clearer head and to achieve my goals. That's good because I don't want to worry about it when I do what I like best -- avoiding any sense of responsibility.