Friday, September 18, 2015


Dear Dean:

I do not want to take even one second  away from all the people telling you  what we need to do to  move up, make money, be nationally recognized. attract the very highest (higher than highest) level  people, place our articles better,  and  all the other great ideas law professor have because they are, after all, the elite of the elite (except, of course for those people who are even more elite, if any). And I would less than dream of taking up the time who want to bond by kissing your  . . . . . hand.

But I  have an idea to raise serious money. I got the idea when thinking of a friend of mine who spent a bundle to name a baseball  stadium  after  his company. He is a very cool guy and the best employer in the land.

I know we have sold naming rights to everything ranging from the entire operation to the toilet paper dispensers so we cannot become the Shell Oil Law School but so far we do not have uniforms with the names of our sponsors on them -- you know, like race car drivers, soccer players, golfers.

 So here is the plan:

Everyone gets measured for button down oxford cloth dress shirts in light blue and everyone gets five. (Former employees of Blockbuster may have a surplus.) On one shoulder we have patch that says "Steve Black." On the other shoulder a patch with "Winston Smith" (who. by the way. was one of the best people I have ever met). And then, a patch on the left side of the chest that says "Sweeden and Day" and so on. So like sponsors of race cars the name can be put on our uniforms for, say, 50K a year. Perhaps we could branch out -- Dairy Queen, Domino's, etc.

Your humble entrepreneur.
Chair, Professor, Director, Associated Director, and Certificate signatory
My latest books are for sale everywhere
Here is my SSRN website
I got a cool letter from a former student which is available on request.


Nando said...

Don't let the dean forget to sell ad space on whiteboards, classroom walls, chairs (although I suspect that these have already been engraved with the names of generous donors and benefactors), erasers, and perhaps even on Power Point presentations. With regard it will be similar to seeing a network's corporate logo affixed or smeared onto the lower left hand corner of the screen, while the show is running. Thank you for the humor, and for noting how recent grads are facing shrinking job prospects, Professor.

Anonymous said...

Not to be snarky, but why do you need five? 'Round here, we are lucky if folks show up three days a week. Not that I am bitter or resentful or anything like that.

(P.S. We will need a stipend to pay for the dry cleaning, say, $1000 a month.)